Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Count Down Has Begun!


Well my tooth is still aching! I sure hope I won't need a root canal on top of it, actually scratch that I just got back from the dentist and yes I now need a root canal!!! Anyway on to better things, it's hard to believe that May is almost over and we have snow on the ground, This is a picture of my niece Alexis and the giant snowman she built this morning! I am beginning to think the only summer weather I'm going to get to enjoy this year will be the time I spend in AFRICA!

When I look at our countdown clock, and see how fast our trip is approaching I have to admit I feel as though I have stepped into one of those little cars you ride on a a roller coaster and they have locked me in and we are starting to pull away. I have moments of disbelief and euphoria, followed by true fear and panic with a little bit of what the heck was I thinking. I am already struggling with the reality that I won't see my beloved daughter and husband for an entire month. Rob has been my biggest supporter and has helped me to realize a dream come true, he has always believed in me even when there have been times in my life that I haven't been able to believe in myself. He has truly helped me to become the woman that I am today, and it breaks my heart that I will not be sharing Rwanda with him. I am hopeful that one day we will travel there together and I will be able to share with him a place that I know will become a part of me.

I am excited to be going on this adventure and at the same time I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I feel sad knowing that there are children there tonight that will go to bed afraid and hungry. They will not have the sense of security a little one feels with the soft gentle kisses from a mothers lips, the comfort from a loving hand upon their tiny cheeks. It is heartbreaking to know when they wake in the middle of the night from a bad dream, no one is there to comfort and reassure them. How will I react when I meet these children face to face, my heart is breaking for them already. How do I look them in the eyes and not let them see the shame that I feel for living a life of such comfort and privilege. I cannot prepare myself not matter how hard I try for the reality of what I will experience.

Carol

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